Vegetable Sex Toys
Sensual Fun Straight From the Produce Aisle
Vegetable sex is an old, venerable tradition, most certainly dating back to the first woman who had a need to pleasure herself while her husband was in the fields or off to war and she was left to her own devices to find a substitute. The quick and easy alternative? Vegetable sex toys. There’s no dildo that looks as innocuous as a cucumber or carrot, and in times when actual sex toys were impossible to acquire due to legal or moral constraints of the time, vegetable sex was an easy way around any actual or de facto sex toy bans. Even today, when a proper dildo or vibrator isn’t on hand, or even just for the sheer thrill of it all, people still enjoy incorporating vegetable sex into their sensual lives. With just some simple precautions, vegetable sex toys can prove to be satisfying sensual aids and vegetable sex can be an enjoyable sexual activity. FDA approval may not yet be forthcoming. I’m not entirely sure about that one.
FDA or no, there are some common sense precautions you should take when making use of vegetable sex toys. Make sure that the vegetable in question is clean before using it as one of your vegetable sex toys. For hygiene’s sake, use a condom with your vegetable sex toy. This also helps to protect you against anal or vaginal abrasions during vegetable sex. Be sure to use copious amounts of lube – your vegetable sex toys haven’t been designed as sensual aids. You also want to ensure that your toy is suitable for vegetable sex; vegetable sex toys such cucumbers are relatively easy to get a grip on and withdraw. You don’t want vegetable sex to culminate in produce that ends up lodged in an orifice with no hope of removal this side of an emergency room. So never insert your vegetable sex toys so far into yourself that they can’t be easily withdrawn.
Now that we’re conversant with basic safety precautions, it’s time for some serious vegetable sex fun. Cucumbers are the most popular vegetable sex toys for good reason – the length and girth approximates a good-sized phallus, plus the texture of the toy, with the myriad bumps and protrusions lining the shaft make this noble fruit of the earth ideal for vegetable sex. It’s popular for both anal and vaginal vegetable sex, and it’s easy to get a good, firm grip upon. Carrots are another good vegetable sex choice, both for their length and tapered shaft. Imaginative minds have also found vegetable sex possibilities in squash, lettuce (makes a good tickler), and celery. It’s all in what you want your vegetable sex experience to amount to.
Even if you’ve got an arsenal of sex toys, sometimes it’s fun to regress a bit to the covert thrill of vegetable sex. With all the items in your produce drawer, you likely already own the perfect vegetable sex toys. Knock yourself out.
